A-Z of Me [Because I'm Bored]

I found this little list of A-Z questions on Kelli Taylor's blog, She Learns As She Goes. Kelli is part of the Blimey Cow trio, probably my favourite YouTube channel! You should definitely check both the blog and the channel out! Let's give this a go shall we?

A // Available or Married?
Uh... neither? I am currently attached to a lovely boy named Patrick, we started dating in our last year of high school and have now been together for two and a half years! This is a recent photograph of us from a walk we went on last week.

B // Book?
Well for my birthday me parents bought me a kindle, which was lovely, so I've been rereading Pride and Prejudice on it! Great book. Couldn't think of my favourite book to be honest. I'd like to say I read the Bible a lot, but the truth is I really don't and I could really do with doing that more often!

C // Cake or pie?
Cake! Chocolate cake! Birthday cake!! All the cake and icing and heavenly goodness!!

D // Drink of choice?
I do like a bit of Coca Cola, though I am yet to find one with my name on it, how disappointing!

E // Essential item?
Clifford the big red camera! Or any camera for that matter. I never leave the house without one. I love capturing all those little moments throughout each day, I'm actually taking up a Project 365 right now, you can check that out here.

F // Favorite color?
Yellow; yellow is the colour of happiness and sunshine and I just like it a lot! The song 'Yellow Shirt' by the Icarus Account also plays a big part in why I like that colour so much.

G // Game to play or watch?
I take it this means sport? Never really one for team sports. I do enjoy video games though, I play quite a bit of Pokemon and Mario etc etc

H // Hometown?
I come from the beautiful Newcastle, Co. Down, a little town by the sea and mountains in Northern Ireland! I have better photographs, but this was the only one I could find right now. I love it. I currently live in Edinburgh right now though, also a really lovely part of the world.

I // Indulgence?
Coke, popcorn, Cadbury's chocolate, pizza, my mothers' cooking, too much stuff to be honest haha!

J // Job?
Working on that right now! Waiting to hear back about what could be a very cool job, we'll see how that goes. Keep me in your prayers as this would really be an ideal job for me!

K // Kids and names?
Don't have any! Not planning to have any for a while haha but I hope that I will have quite a few some day! In the mean time, my cameras are my children haha! And they do have names - Clifford, Nora, Manfred and Rodney.

L // Life is incomplete without...?
For me? God. Couldn't cope without Him, like really. And people around me to support and encourage me.

M // Music group or singer?
I am completely in love with NEEDTOBREATHE, such a great band! I love all their songs, but in particular 'Slumber', 'Stones Under Rushing Water', 'Keep Your Eyes Open', 'A Place Only You Can Go' and 'The Outsiders' are some of my personal favourites. Here's a little video I made a few years ago using 'The Outsiders' as music.

Also currently loving Gabrielle Aplin, Imagine Dragons, Phil Wickham, Chasing Owls, Rend Collective Experiment and many more! Check them out too!

N // Number of siblings?
I'm the eldest of 3, I have a brother, Thomas, 18 and a sister, Katie, 8. They're pretty cool!

O // Oranges or apples?
Hmmmm, oranges as the fruit itself, but I love apple as a flavour in sweets and drinks and puddings etc

P // Phobias and fears?
As I mention a lot in this blog, FOMO, the fear of missing out, is a big issue of mine. But I am slowly getting over it which feels wonderful! To stop feeling so anxious about that sort of thing is amazing! Also, jellyfish. I hate jellyfish.

Q // Quote?
"As you may know, I am a full time internet" - @horse_ebooks on Twitter

R // Reason to smile?
Lots of stuff, I am very blessed. I smile knowing I am loved by God and by my friends and family. This keeps me going in harder times.

S // Season?
I do love Spring, it's my favourite season.

T // Tattoos?
Ooo well I want one of a centurion helmet with the reference 'Ephesians 6:11' on my arm, that would be cool. Dunno when I'll get it, but sometime I hope!

U // Unknown fact?
Hmmm.... I was once pooped on by a hippopotamus. True story.

V // Vegetables you love?
I do love a bit of spinach!

W // Worst habit?
I'm certainly one for procrastinating (this blog post is testament to that as I should be storyboarding right now), and I'm not the best at keeping my room tidy either!

X // X-rays you've had?
None so far... thankfully!

Y // Your favorite food?
This is a very difficult question!! I love chicken pie, mmm, that stuffs good. A nice Indian take out as well would be lovely!

Z // Zodiac?
I believe I'm a Gemini but I don't really care about that sort of thing.

Well that was fun, now you know a bit more about me I guess! :) if you are a blogger yourself, you should do it too and send me a link so I can look at it! x

NO FOMO Part 2

Hey, there! It's been a while. I guess I haven't had that much to say, but tonight I want to talk about FOMO again. This post will make a lot more sense if you read my older post from about a month ago on FOMO. If you haven't read it, go read it already. Click here to do that.

I mentioned in that post that something I really struggled with was FOMO. I wrote that entry the day after we discussed it in Potential, and at that time I still just thought it was something that I struggled with a bit, but that was okay and it was just the way I was, . However, in the following days and weeks it occurred to me that this isn't just a little thing that I struggle with... this is everything I struggle with. My fear of missing out was making me paranoid, and scared and just not okay. For example, I would get so upset if I wasn't invited to something, or if I was invited to something that I really really didn't want to go to, I would go, not out of politeness, but of fear. I was constantly thinking of other places I could be, constantly missing the friends that I wasn't with, hardly ever content in the now. I often wondered why I wasn't joyful like I used to be or could be. This is what it was. My fear of missing out was controlling my whole life, dragging me down into a spiral of anxiety.

In this past month I have been working hard on combatting my fear of missing out. Just recognising that I have it and how much of an issue it is was a big step in helping. Every time I start thinking in a way that is affected by FOMO, I immediately recognise what I'm doing and am usually able to talk myself out of it. I have noticed a change, there have been a couple of times in just the last week or so where I would have felt anxiety flare up because of not feeling part of something, but I just shrugged, thought 'No FOMO' to myself, and carried on. I know that doesn't seem like that much of a big deal, but I'm not sure I can truly explain how much this means to me. This sort of stuff never used to fail to upset me, but within the past month or so I am getting over it. I have grown. I think it's maturing me as well, I've been able to look at certain situations with a more neutral and calm eye, rather than focusing on how it affects me. I really can feel a change within me, and that's awesome. I still have it, I still struggle with it. Just a couple of weeks ago, I found out I wouldn't be able to attend something that meant quite a lot to me, and my heart literally sped up with fear. I was terrified! So yeah, I still have a long way to go. So pray for me, pray that I will be able to maintain this new ability to start combating my fears. And join me in praying for everyone who really struggles with this, which I assume is a lot of people. We don't have to be full of fear.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Gettin' Dunked!

My baptism - Photo by Kathryn McGrane

Oh hey, look what happened! What's that? I got baptised last Sunday!! Wooohooo yeah partayyy!! Seriously though, it was a great night. I'm still kind of on a high from it all. And this is the part where I write all about it. 

For those who don't know baptism is a kind of rite that's practiced in most churches where you get immersed in or sprinkled with water. The immersion symbolises a few things - the death and resurrection of Christ, and the washing away of our sins. The Baptists (the denomination I attend) believe that baptism is not essential for salvation, instead it is something you do out of obedience to God. The website christianbaptists.com describes it like this - 

"... salvation is something God does for us, while baptism is something we do for God. It is viewed like a wedding ring. The ring doesn’t make a person married, but it tells everyone around them that he married. The ring is the married person’s public profession of his love to a particular person. It is similar to a pledge of allegiance. Baptism is seen the same way by Baptists." I'm not good at explaining this stuff, so do some internet research if you're really curious! Or even better, Bible research. 

Still here after those explanations and stuff? Sweet! I'm sitting here right now wanting to write so much but hardly knowing what to say. Maybe I'll just say a bit of what I said on the night, when I told my testimony to the church (a nervous experience, but a good one).

Giving my testimony - Photo by Kathryn McGrane

I like to look at my life in a series of stages. Stage number 1 - my life before I was a Christian. I was pretty numb back then. I was a good kid, but I didn't understand people. I had no capacity for empathy. I liked being alone, I felt no need to be with other people. I just wasn't that emotional to be honest. I wasn't a big fan of God's either. I was brought up in a Christian family which was great, but I didn't take it too seriously, I just thought God was a big angry policeman in the sky. Until I was 14 anyway. Stage number 2 - after I became a Christian. I rediscovered God at an SU camp when I was 14 years old after hearing a talk about creation. I decided to take my faith seriously then, truly meaning it for the first time ever. After that my life changed, I changed, though I didn't realise for a long time how. God blessed me with the gift of emotions, though at the time it seemed more like a curse haha! I struggled for years, not understanding why I would get so depressed for months and months at a time. However, I kept going with little baby steps, and after a while I learnt more about why God made me that way and why I had changed like that, and I began to exercise control over my emotions. I haven't seriously struggled with them in well over a year now. This marks a new stage. Now that some of the main struggles of my early days as a Christian are behind me, it's time for new things. This marks stage number 3 - big things are coming. Over the past year or so I feel like God has been shaping me and preparing me for new things in my life. I am no longer held down by things like overwhelming depression or fear, obviously the capacity for them still exists in me, but I understand those emotions and know how to fight them now. Anyway, I think God has big things for me in store. So I decided to say yes to that. And the way I wanted to say yes was through baptism. It was my way of saying to God that I am prepared to do what he wants me to do. I am ready. 

And so I did it. I got prayed for by members of the church, I gave my testimony and then Karl and Ciara baptised me. It was an amazing night. This is where things start changing now. Since that night I have felt closer to God than I have in my whole life, I'm already seeing changes within me. I feel confident. I also felt the love and encouragement of so many people both within my church and not. There were a few friends there who came especially for the baptism, which I was so glad to see (shout out to Kathryn, Debbie and Simon, hooray!) I also felt encouragement from friends and family at home, who sent me lovely messages on Facebook and text etc. But most of all right now I'm grateful for my church friends, the girls at Potential. Without their constant support and encouragement, I don't think I would have had the confidence to get up there on Sunday. They have really blessed me and I see God through them all the time. When I signed up for Potential, I never ever expected to be part of such an amazing community, it has exceeded all expectations. I really feel part of something within it and I'm so grateful for that. Girls, if any of you are reading this, I love you all, thank you for being such great friends to me! I'm more grateful than you could know!!

If any of you are considering getting baptised, seriously, I'd really recommend doing it. I'm so glad I did! There's so much more I could probably write right now, but I realise I've already written an awful lot. If anyone wants to talk about anything I've said here more, feel free to drop me a line or something. 

Some stuff - 

• A video of the baptism itself 
• A song that was played that night, which will forever remind me of it
• The Bible verse given to me 

God bless

x

Healing

"LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me." - Psalm 30:2

It would seem that the girls at Potential rather enjoyed me doing a write up of last weeks events and so I have been asked by quite a few to carry on doing it. Well I guess that's not a bad idea! I'm not always the best at speaking but I do enjoy being able to get my thoughts down on paper (or laptop in this situation) as they just seem so much clearer there than floating about mid air. So after each week I will write up what we discussed and perhaps some things that happened and what I took from the night. Obviously because it is only me doing these write ups you'll be getting mostly my own opinions, so you'll just have to deal with that! Also I'm aware that things could get quite personal with this blog if I'm to write about these nights honestly. I'll just have to deal with that too, but testimony is a good thing so I shouldn't be afraid of being honest about myself. Things could head that direction in this post so I best just dive in the deep end!

Last night we read the other half of Acts 4, being verses 23 to 37 [click here to read]. This passage focused on the power of prayer, especially praying in the name of Jesus. We discussed our prayer lives, and we were all pretty open about the fact that we struggle with prayer. Praying's hard, man! People discussed their various methods of praying, for example some people used journals, some people prayed out loud, some stayed silent, some even prayed in tongues. One thing we all agreed on was that we all could do better. A lot of things hit home with me through out the night, but one thing to do with prayer hit home in particular. Now, one of the things I find hardest about living in Scotland is that I miss my friends at home a lot. It's quite hard to keep in contact sometimes, and when there are times when we go without speaking for a long time I get quite sad and want nothing more for them to just call me and we can have a catch up again because I miss them. We discussed tonight how this is what God feels about us, except so much more. He wants desperately for us to come and talk to him, to tell him everything, but we don't give him that. While I'm sitting in my room pining for conversations with my friends, God is wanting the exact same thing from me. From all of us! Makes you think, doesn't it? (Interestingly this is the second time this week God has pointed out that I'm being hypocritical, that's always fun haha). 

Now's the point where I use a personal story to try to convince you that this prayer thing is important (yaayyy honesty). There have been some things I have been struggling with unconsciously for years that have suddenly become conscious to me, and I have realised how much of a big issue they are, and it scared the crap out of me. I have been getting really stressed out and worried and angry and basically not good. To be honest I hadn't prayed much about it, because I was ashamed. My prayers were brief, mostly just "Help me God, I'm sorry God." However, I knew that this was an issue, and I could feel it bottling up, which is never a good thing, so I decided I wanted to talk about it with someone. I felt that this is what God wanted, so I was like okay God, I'll talk to someone then. I tried, and failed. I tried with a few people, either the conversation was sent other directions, or just went nowhere or never even happened in the first place. It was frustrating. But after the discussions last night, I got home and I thought I should probably just tell God everything, even though he already knows. For some reason I had left God as a last resort, wanting to talk to other people first. So I got home, sat on my bed, and decided to pray out loud to God, something I don't often do. As soon as I started I felt like God was saying "Yes Jo!! Finally you get it!!! The someone you need to talk to is me!!" It was very humbling, and it hit me just how much more I need to do this. God should be my first resort, not my last. Anyway, I kept praying, and I told him everything, all I felt, all I feared, all I wanted. When I finished I was blessed a sudden wave of peace and felt him say

"Jo... I will heal you." 

And that was it. He will heal me. I felt a lot better. So much better. I know I'm not there yet, but now I am confident I will get there. It's weird for me being open about this on the internet like this. It's pretty hard, but I like to hope that someone will get something out of it, and that makes it easier. So seriously, if you're reading this, pray, pray, pray like mad, it's so important! God wants you to talk to him!!

But let's move on from the intense stuff right now, and move on to intensely awesome stuff!! Speaking of healing, we saw something pretty darn cool tonight... healing!! (Never saw that coming, did ya?) Our lovely friend Keziah turned up last night with a complete lack of voice, couldn't speak at all, only whisper. That's never fun, so at the end of the night we prayed for her healing. The whole time we prayed I was thinking how cool it would be if when we finished praying it would immediately be fixed and she would just be like "hellooo!" again. Well... guess what happened. HECK YEAH SHE COULD SPEAK IMMEDIATELY!! Did I mention how important and awesome prayer was? Yeah. It's the best.

Pray guys. Pray.