Be Careful What You Pray For...

I want to get back into blogging regularly again. Looking back on my posts from earlier this year, I think it was really good to get my thoughts on God and stuff written down like this. Now that I'm back at university and attending my church again, with student communities starting again soon, I'm hoping I'll have plenty of things to write about! But today I'm gonna write about some things I experienced near the end of summer.

There's a saying that goes like "be careful what you pray for, because you might get it". It's an odd one, and one you might not fully appreciate until what it's talking about happens to you. And it happened to me in the last week of summer. I'll recount that now.

So as my blog has been recounting a bit, 2013 has been a 'year of fear' for me. Not in that I have had a fearful year, but that this is the year God has been pushing me gently towards getting over my fears. It started with FOMO, which I documented quite thoroughly with this blog. And I got there, in a lot of ways I am over my fear of missing out, and that makes me so happy! I've come so far from even the start of the year. And I think if I hadn't have gotten over that fear, this could have been a very difficult summer for me, due to some circumstances regarding friends, but thankfully, FOMO did not keep me from having a good summer. I enjoyed myself regardless of what I was missing out on, and that's amazing! I also started to get over my fear of a certain person (who shall not be named for their own sake), having truly feared them for years and years and years. When even being in the same room as this person was once so uncomfortable, even painful, for me, I can now quite comfortably sit and chat and even have a laugh with them. Painful memories are being replaced by good ones, which is fantastic. I'm not sure anyone could comprehend what a massive step forward that is for me. God is good!

With those two fears, both once major strongholds in my life, becoming a thing of the past, I started wondering what God wanted me to face next. Something kept bringing me back to 'failure'. It seemed to be what I feared most at that point. I thought to myself 'maybe I should ask God to help me get over my fear of failure', but something kept holding me back. Guess what that something was... yep! It was fear. I thought to myself, for these other fears, it's always got worse before it got better. Right before I started to get over the fears, I would find myself very bitter against the things, or really the people, who brought on the fear. And for that while, the fear was heightened. And so I was scared about what would happen when I asked God to help me get over this fear. But, I knew I had to do it. And so I prayed, my heart beating fast, 'God, help me get over my fear of failure. I don't what's going to happen now, and I'm scared, but I trust you.'

That was when everything fell apart. 

The morning after I prayed that, I got a phone call from my boss. He didn't want to keep me on anymore, despite me thinking I was going to have the job until at least December. That was upsetting, to say the least. It was the perfect job for me, but I failed it. I was almost brushing it off as coincidence until I got a letter in the post a few days later; a letter that told me I'd been kicked out of my university because of problems with an essay resit (leaving out the complicated details of why this happened, because they're not that important, all you need to know is that this was a total surprise to me). 

What. 

Just like that, all I knew seemed to crash around me. A few days earlier everything was fine, I had a job that was perfect for me and I was getting ready to head back to Edinburgh to begin my third year of studies. Then all of a sudden and out no where I was unemployed and degree-less. I have never felt like such a failure as I did that day. I cried out to God constantly, 'Did I ask for this?! Is this your answer?! I want to face my fear of failure but not this way!! I hate this, God!! Please fix this!!' I begged forgiveness for my failure, I just wanted to be able to go back to university, I couldn't fail like this, I couldn't fail my parents and my friends like this, not after everything. 

I spent a week living in constant terror of what was going to happen, my gut aching and heart pounding, trying desperately to contact my university to sort out what went wrong and see if they would let me back in. In the middle of that week, I had to move back to Scotland, not knowing if I'd be returning home again shortly or staying on. Though my friends were amazing (looking at you especially Michelle and Patrick) and did their best to keep my mind off it, any time I started thinking about the uncertainty of my future I verged on crying. It was a rough week. I certainly felt the failure I had been feeling. 

I'll cut to the chase, many phone calls and e-mails later, after my case being seemingly passed from person to person to person, about a week after I got the letter I found out they were letting me back in. Praise God for his goodness and mercy! And now what? I'd be lying if I said this has helped me get over my fear of failure. It gets worse before it gets better right? I'm pretty sure I'm even more scared of failure now. But I don't subscribe to coincidence, God had to let me feel that utter failure for some reason, and I'm hoping I find out that reason soon. From experience, I pretty sure it's going to help me. Just right now, I'm still living on the edge a wee bit, and I definitely need to pray more about this to work it out. And I've certainly learnt a few extra lessons along the way anyway! I'm not there yet, but I know I'll be able to face this fear soon. There's a reason for everything, God is up to something, and though I don't understand it yet, I will some day. I'll just say it again - Be careful what you pray for, you might just get it, but not in the way you expect.

Back in Edinburgh

Woah, this has been a pretty long post, thank you for reading this far! It's not like me to blog about something I'm still struggling to understand, I usually like to write it all out once I have my eureka moment and discover what God has been teaching me. Not today I guess. I think I just wanted to write it all out, get it off my chest a bit. And now I've done that. I think it's time to return to prayer about my fear of failure, and see what God's up to. For now, I'm just going to be grateful that I'm here in this beautiful city, studying what I love once again. There's definitely a reminder here that God gives and he takes away, and I'm very grateful for what he has given right now. Even if that's all I'm to learn from this whole crisis, that's a pretty darn good lesson to walk away with. Thank you God!

Hope everyone has a great year, let's get stuck in.

Jo x

Help Me Make A Film!

Hey there,

for those who don't know me, my name is Jo McClure and I am a student filmmaker. I'm about to go into my 3rd year studying Photography & Film at Edinburgh Napier University and I have big plans for the next year! I want to place a particular focus this year on documentary filmmaking, and I have a film in mind that I would like to make. This is where I need your help. 

I want to make a short film about people being healed through prayer. (This is probably where I am going to lose half my audience who are reading this. "A film about religiousy stuff? Nope. See ya." And that's okay! But for those of you who are still with me here, thank you!) I'm not entirely sure how the film is going to pan out yet, that's something that will become more clear as I get to work alongside my tutors and peers at uni, but I do know a few things. I would really love to get a collection of stories from people who have been healed through prayer, or people who have witnessed it, or maybe you have the gift of healing, really anything to do with it! Seriously, I want to hear about anything and everything. I feel like a lot of people don't realise that this is something that actually happens, and the purpose of this film is to tell them, yes, God is alive and real, he does work and he does heal (tehe unintentional poetry). 

I'll say this - right now this is more about research and getting to know the subject more. Telling me your story doesn't mean it'll necessarily be put in the film. I'm aware that this is a sensitive subject and I don't want to put people in the spotlight who don't want to be. I'm sure in good time God will make it clear what stories he wants spread and it's quite likely I may ask you for a formal filmed interview, but in the mean time all I want is a chat :)

So if you have any stories please don't hesitate to get in touch with me. Or if you know someone else that does, perhaps you could forward this to them. This would mean a lot to me, I would really really love to see this film come to light, and the best way I can do that right now is just by starting to chat to people about this sort of thing. My e-mail address is jomcclure73@gmail.com, or if you see me ever just pull me aside, I would love to talk! I'm also on Facebook and Twitter for those who like the social networking sites. 

Thank you for reading, and I hope to hear from some of you soon!

Jo

Christian Parody Tweets

I gotta admit, there are some quality Christian parody accounts on Twitter, from the likes of @HoodJesusYo to @Rev_Norespect. Like seriously, these crack me up. I give you the best recent Christian parody tweets. Enjoy:

I want to believe the Lord gave you that song, but I think he has better grammar than that.
— Sister Mildred (@SisterMildred) October 17, 2012

If Jesus grace is like da ocean den errybody grab yo floaties cuz we drownin in it
— Hood Jesus (@HoodJesusYo) August 11, 2013

i don't like being called a 'Christian'... i prefer 'Christ-oriented, holistically missional soul-vessel"
— Christian Hipster (@ChristnHipster) August 7, 2013

People think its the Spirit when I laugh during #worship, but it was just that crappy guitar solo.
— Celeb Worship Leader (@CelebWorshipLdr) May 28, 2013

Me:"Hey those are cute earings, how do they make you think of Jesus?" Person:"They don't?" Me:"...then why are you wearing them?" #Oversaved
— Oversaved Girl (@OversavedGirl) July 29, 2013

I would just like to wish all the Youth Ministers a happy first day of school.
— Unappreciated Pastor (@Rev_Norespect) August 6, 2013

Glad to see youth group getting more spiritual. Tonight they said John 3:16 with a mouthful of marshmallows instead of "chubby bunny".
— Church Curmudgeon (@ChrchCurmudgeon) August 15, 2013

How do you guys feel about pre-marital high fives? Is that too far in a relationship? If not, when is it acceptable? First or second date?
— Michael Schaffer (@WDFF5) July 4, 2013

Picking the right church name is crucial. It should include at least one of these words: FIRE, IGNITE, MOTOCROSS, ELEVATE, ROUNDHOUSE, SOLEI
— Celebrity Pastor (@CelebrityPastor) August 1, 2013

@HoodJesusYo is my absolute favourite. They're as funny as Christian pick up lines... but more on that later!

FUSED 2013 - A Quick Recap

Well well well, it's been a while since I've done a proper big blog post here, hasn't it? It's been a pretty busy summer, but that isn't really an excuse. I guess I just haven't had much to say until recently. But that changes today, because today I'm going to write about FUSED. If you know me well, you'll know that for the past four years I have been a leader at a summer scheme in my home town called FUSED. This year, as well as helping out with the Adventurers (kids age 8-11) most days where I worked previously; I had the privilege of actually being a co-section leader of the Swifts (the youngest group) along with my best friend / adoptive big brother Adam Leahy. Leahy is a fantastic guy and a joy to work with. And I hope he's not reading this right now or his ego will inflate like a balloon and he won't let me hear the end of it! We had a fantastic team to  boss around  work with, big shout out to Zoe, James, Megan, Hannah, Cara and Jenny. These guys exceeded expectations despite their young age (most of them were around 16) and were great leaders, both Adam and I felt so blessed to be working with such great people. 

They let us two be in charge, whoops.

Adam Leahy

The fantastic 'Swifts', leaders and kids

If you don't know exactly what FUSED is, here is a video I made to explain it. Incidentally, this video is technically my first ever film under the name 'Joyful Mourne Media' which is exciting, but I'll blog about that more later - 

FUSED 2013 from Joyful Mourne on Vimeo.

I'll just let that video explain what goes on at FUSED. But in writing I can get down to the more nitty gritty stuff. FUSED this year was crazy. Each group has two sessions a day, usually in the afternoon and evening. Swifts, however, has only one session a day, in the morning, allowing me and a few other leaders to take part in another group as well. Three sessions a day was exhausting, I hardly had time to stop and think, but it was good. I would have hated to miss out on helping out with the Adventurers this year, so it was great to go back there with the usual team. 

And the kids, oh how I love those kids! They are so enthusiastic and excited to come back every year which is such an encouragement to see! They clamber over you and give you odd nicknames (a new one for me this year was 'Kangaroo') and attempt to get piggy backs and draw you pictures and they are just the best things ever! This year they seemed more curious than ever, kids that seem so young and innocent ask such hard hitting questions that leave us humbled, and it's just crazy to see how hungry they are for learning more about God. Over 20 youth gave their lives to Christ this summer at FUSED, which is so exciting!! I know numbers shouldn't be something to focus on, and I can tell you that that is not what we focus on, but it's still wonderful news and I am so excited for them all. Keep those kids in your prayers as they start their new lives with God! 

I always find FUSED a very humbling experience. There are days in it every year when I feel like absolute crap, if I'm honest. It's a fortnight of spiritual warfare, when I can always feel like I'm being attacked at my weak points. But I always come out the other end stronger. FUSED is not only great for those kids, but it's a great experience for the leaders too, and I thank God for that. Having been as a youth before I was a leader, it's great being able to watch the programme grow from its early , humble beginnings to something so much bigger. I encourage you to support it in any way you can, whether its becoming a leader next year or even just keeping it in your prayers. FUSED is a beacon of hope in what have been a dark and scary few months in Newcastle, Co Down, and I thank God for it. 

Jo's Film Diary

Just gonna get stuck straight in... I want to make films about Jesus.

I made a post about this kinda stuff earlier in the year [see that post here] but I felt for a while that I should attempt to make a vlog about it, just because I'm not good at talking about it in real life. You can watch that vlog below, which I would love it if you did just that. It's fairly long, about 9 minutes, which is pretty long for a vlog, but I cut it down as much as possible haha! There's more I could say but this was the basics - 

I think this is something I'll continue to do, vlog updates about what's going on with the project. I think that way, the people who watch these things can keep me accountable, which is something I desperately need. So please watch, and you will hopefully see more of these soon (and hopefully some actual short films). If you are genuinely interested in what I will be doing, the best way to keep updated is probably to subscribe on YouTube, if you have an account, then you'll get notified there every time I upload one of these things.

EDIT: A big thank you to everyone who has responded to this video, whether on YouTube itself, on other social media sites or in person. Your support means the world to me, seriously. I've definitely noticed an increase in people asking me about it, which is great for accountability, please keep that up! It's nice when I hear people being interested in it anyway.

Technicolour Reverie

I will always have a fondness for this film. This is the first short film I ever made, at the young age of sixteen. There are so many things wrong with it, but I still really like it. Take a wee look for yourself, I thought I might as well post it here for something to watch in the mean time while I get my next films organised - 

A-Z of Me [Because I'm Bored]

I found this little list of A-Z questions on Kelli Taylor's blog, She Learns As She Goes. Kelli is part of the Blimey Cow trio, probably my favourite YouTube channel! You should definitely check both the blog and the channel out! Let's give this a go shall we?

A // Available or Married?
Uh... neither? I am currently attached to a lovely boy named Patrick, we started dating in our last year of high school and have now been together for two and a half years! This is a recent photograph of us from a walk we went on last week.

B // Book?
Well for my birthday me parents bought me a kindle, which was lovely, so I've been rereading Pride and Prejudice on it! Great book. Couldn't think of my favourite book to be honest. I'd like to say I read the Bible a lot, but the truth is I really don't and I could really do with doing that more often!

C // Cake or pie?
Cake! Chocolate cake! Birthday cake!! All the cake and icing and heavenly goodness!!

D // Drink of choice?
I do like a bit of Coca Cola, though I am yet to find one with my name on it, how disappointing!

E // Essential item?
Clifford the big red camera! Or any camera for that matter. I never leave the house without one. I love capturing all those little moments throughout each day, I'm actually taking up a Project 365 right now, you can check that out here.

F // Favorite color?
Yellow; yellow is the colour of happiness and sunshine and I just like it a lot! The song 'Yellow Shirt' by the Icarus Account also plays a big part in why I like that colour so much.

G // Game to play or watch?
I take it this means sport? Never really one for team sports. I do enjoy video games though, I play quite a bit of Pokemon and Mario etc etc

H // Hometown?
I come from the beautiful Newcastle, Co. Down, a little town by the sea and mountains in Northern Ireland! I have better photographs, but this was the only one I could find right now. I love it. I currently live in Edinburgh right now though, also a really lovely part of the world.

I // Indulgence?
Coke, popcorn, Cadbury's chocolate, pizza, my mothers' cooking, too much stuff to be honest haha!

J // Job?
Working on that right now! Waiting to hear back about what could be a very cool job, we'll see how that goes. Keep me in your prayers as this would really be an ideal job for me!

K // Kids and names?
Don't have any! Not planning to have any for a while haha but I hope that I will have quite a few some day! In the mean time, my cameras are my children haha! And they do have names - Clifford, Nora, Manfred and Rodney.

L // Life is incomplete without...?
For me? God. Couldn't cope without Him, like really. And people around me to support and encourage me.

M // Music group or singer?
I am completely in love with NEEDTOBREATHE, such a great band! I love all their songs, but in particular 'Slumber', 'Stones Under Rushing Water', 'Keep Your Eyes Open', 'A Place Only You Can Go' and 'The Outsiders' are some of my personal favourites. Here's a little video I made a few years ago using 'The Outsiders' as music.

Also currently loving Gabrielle Aplin, Imagine Dragons, Phil Wickham, Chasing Owls, Rend Collective Experiment and many more! Check them out too!

N // Number of siblings?
I'm the eldest of 3, I have a brother, Thomas, 18 and a sister, Katie, 8. They're pretty cool!

O // Oranges or apples?
Hmmmm, oranges as the fruit itself, but I love apple as a flavour in sweets and drinks and puddings etc

P // Phobias and fears?
As I mention a lot in this blog, FOMO, the fear of missing out, is a big issue of mine. But I am slowly getting over it which feels wonderful! To stop feeling so anxious about that sort of thing is amazing! Also, jellyfish. I hate jellyfish.

Q // Quote?
"As you may know, I am a full time internet" - @horse_ebooks on Twitter

R // Reason to smile?
Lots of stuff, I am very blessed. I smile knowing I am loved by God and by my friends and family. This keeps me going in harder times.

S // Season?
I do love Spring, it's my favourite season.

T // Tattoos?
Ooo well I want one of a centurion helmet with the reference 'Ephesians 6:11' on my arm, that would be cool. Dunno when I'll get it, but sometime I hope!

U // Unknown fact?
Hmmm.... I was once pooped on by a hippopotamus. True story.

V // Vegetables you love?
I do love a bit of spinach!

W // Worst habit?
I'm certainly one for procrastinating (this blog post is testament to that as I should be storyboarding right now), and I'm not the best at keeping my room tidy either!

X // X-rays you've had?
None so far... thankfully!

Y // Your favorite food?
This is a very difficult question!! I love chicken pie, mmm, that stuffs good. A nice Indian take out as well would be lovely!

Z // Zodiac?
I believe I'm a Gemini but I don't really care about that sort of thing.

Well that was fun, now you know a bit more about me I guess! :) if you are a blogger yourself, you should do it too and send me a link so I can look at it! x