I Have Lied.

There are elements of this blog post that have been in my drafts since New Years, and I'm dreading finishing it. But it needs to be done. I need to be honest, and I need accountability.

There's a reason I've been missing in action from the blogosphere for the past few months, well there are a few reasons. This is the main one. As I've spoken about in previous posts, from September to December of last year I was working on a documentary film about healing. That film is finished, and only a handful of people have seen it. As I'm not prepared to show the film online right now, I'll tell you how it goes - the film opens with me stating my intentions - I want to know more about miraculous healing, as growing up in a traditional church left me unaware of it for the most part. Fair enough. The rest of the film follows me interviewing people who have seen God's healing power in their lives, and at one point going out onto the streets to see I could witness this power in action. I conclude the film by happily stating that seeing and hearing all this has helped me grow in my faith, and it's all so lovely and there's uplifting music and oh gosh what a wonderful world I live in hooray!

I have a confession to make. I have lied. I have lied to myself and I have lied to my audience. Let's look at some quotes from my closing monologue -

• "Seeing that woman walk away with a new spring in her step, and full of joy, made my day, and helped renew parts of my faith that were wavering" - lie
• "Hearing all these stories, seeing the people on the street receive healing, has all inspired me" - lie
• "I've chosen to have that faith" - lie

There is only one part of the film where I tell the truth about my faith, and you can't even tell. In a shot of folded up journal entries, there lies the truth, and you can't even see it. In these journal entries are my true feelings on the subject - I'm struggling; this isn't helping me in my faith; I believe these people have been healed but something's not sitting right in me; something is missing from this etc.

Honestly, I was not okay. Somehow the process of making that film left my faith in a worse place than when I began. Somewhere along the line my view of God got warped and twisted, I found myself becoming increasingly cynical and I felt very alone in my faith. I don't know why this happened. I really don't know and there are days when I weep for the damage my faith has received in this past year. I was sure that it would help things, but it did not. I was left feeling cheated. And I have to be honest with you. It's taking me a long time to get better. I often have to sit myself down and remind myself that yes, God does still love me, because most days I'm just not feeling it. There are glorious days when I feel close to him again and I just wish those days would last forever, but they don't. I'm still cynical, I'm still bitter.

I think what I need to explain is just how important this film has become to me. It was such a personal film, dealing with my own faith. It seems now it is almost metaphorical for my faith. I have not worked on my film since December. I don't like thinking about it. But the thing is, I'm still determined to finish it. I want so badly for this film to reach it's potential. I want to finish with a real, honest film, that takes my doubts and my fears and puts them aside for a faith in a miraculous God. I have had conversations with people having the same struggles as I am that fill me with conviction to give them a film that will help them. And I think that if this film does reach its potential, it could help people. Somewhere, the answers I'm looking for are out there, and I'm determined to find them. I don't know how long this will take. But I'm determined it will happen.

But in the mean time, this is where I am. I'm stuck. I need prayer. I can't bear my faith struggles any longer and I just want to be back where I was previously, loving God and loving life. I don't know what else to say. I like ending on a high note, but I just don't have one today. What I do have is so many questions about healing and faith. I'm not going to list them, I don't think that's necessary, but they're there. I don't know what I'm going to do next. I'm hoping that God will throw something my way that will make everything clear and I'll go out and film something wonderful and get back on track. I don't know, I really don't know. I have so much to say about this, but I'm trying to keep it short. If you like praying, please pray for me, and pray for my film. There's potential in both of us, but we're not seeing it right now. I really hope it comes soon. Proverbs 17:22 says - "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." I think that's relevant. Praying for a cheerful heart right now. 

As always, if you want to talk to me about the film, or well about anything, I would love that. You can e-mail me - jo@joyfulmourne.com

Thanks for reading. Sorry for the whine.

My Talented Friends

I mentioned in a previous post that I might do a masterpost of a few documentaries that have been uploaded online by my classmates, so this is it, as promised. I'm very blessed to work with such talented people. And they're not just classmates, we're all really good friends. I'm very proud of all the work that everyone has done! There was such a variety in the styles and subjects of the films and that was really cool to see. And now you can watch their work too, in no particular order. Now when they all become famous filmmakers you can say you've seen their work here first. I've just managed to find four films altogether, but hopefully there will be more soon. Give them your love -

A Kind of Sleep - dir. Eilidh Mitchell

This was definitely the scariest documentary out of all of ours. It is a study into the state of sleep paralysis, focusing on the mythology surrounding it. A really interesting and gripping film. 

The Weight - dir. Rasmus Räni

An interesting character study on amateur bodybuilder Gavin Smith, as well as an exploration of the idea of bodybuilding as a lifestyle. Rasmus has always been very talented with a camera, and this certainly shines through here. 

Trouble - dir. Kathryn McGrane

Another character study here, this time on an ex-IRA member. Being from Northern Ireland myself I really enjoyed this film, but those unfamiliar with the Troubles will also be intrigued by this man's stories. 

Mors Sceptra Ligonibus Aequat  dir. Kyriaki 'Sandy' Sigala

Sandy's film is a good example of how varied the styles are within our small class. This is an experimental film focused on death, and death rituals in various religions. It's a very fascinating film, keep an eye out for the sky burial scene, it's my favourite part. 

A Letter To 2014

Dear 2014,

I am excited for you and I am terrified of you. I've always been quite good at peering into the future and having a good guess at what the time ahead was going to be like. For example, in 2010 I could tell that a huge change was coming, right before my entire friendship group got turned on its head and I found myself in a much better, entirely different friendship situation. Coming into 2013 I knew that that year was going to be, well, 'defining' was the word I used, and I wasn't so sure what that meant. And, well it turned out to be just that. I spent the first part of my year on an absolute high. My community in Edinburgh was amazing, I felt more at home in that city than ever, I was making films with people I love and things were just going well for me. I found that I had become the best version of myself I had ever been. I was confident, enough so that I was able to tell my testimony on stage in front of hundreds of people the night I got baptised. I was closer to God than I'd ever been. I conquered many fears, which truly amazed me. However, in the months following and since, I began to struggle with my faith. I suppose the higher you get the harder you fall, right? I'm not going to lie, I'm still struggling a lot right now. Until the start of December I hadn't felt close to God in months, and it's just slowly starting to come back. But God is teaching me through this struggle, I know that. Through the good times and the hard times, it has been defining. I have learnt so much about myself and I am grateful for that.

But 2013 is over. Now it's your turn 2014. I want you to be a great year, 2014, I really do. And looking at my plans for the year, you have the potential to be the best year ever. I do have big plans for you. I want you to be the year that my filmmaking takes off. I want to release my documentary, Unboxed, and if I have the time I want to make another documentary. Joyful Mourne Media has been a huge dream of mine for years now, and it's slowly starting to come into fruition. That's incredibly exciting, but I feel in my heart it will have truly begun when I release Unboxed. That's where you come in, 2014. I'm counting on you to be the year that all this happens. To be honest, I'm absolutely terrified. I don't want to screw this up. I don't want to screw you up. I guess I don't know how things are going to turn out, but I can hope and I can pray. 

Aside from my filmmaking goals, I want you to be the year I come back to a good relationship with God. That's something I need above all else. I want to get back into journalling regularly; I want to be interested in reading the Bible again; when I worship, I want to be really worshipping, not just singing a song that I like; I want to pray and fast. My faith is the most important thing to me in my life, so I should start acting like it is. That's my goal. I need that strong faith to support all my goals, it's so vital. And God deserves everything, my all. So I should give it to him. Yes. This is going to be the year I fix my faith. 

And you know what, 2014? Let's make it fun too. Let's go rollerblading, let's go on holiday, let's make snowmen and take my sister out more. Let's go hiking, and photographing, and let's make more friends, while getting even closer to the old friends. Let's laugh until we cry, and not worry about what others think. This could be the best year ever. Let's do that. I'm going to hustle my way into a great year.

2014... It's a pleasure to meet you. 

Love from,

Jo. 

2014 Spade List

It's that time of year again... this is a list of 50 things I'd like to achieve in 2014. Every year I usually acknowledge that I'm not going to get all of them done, but there are always a few that are extremely important to me to complete amongst the not so important ones. I'll blog about those important ones later! In the mean time, enjoy -

1. Make a short film
2. Go to America
3. Get a new job
4. Read the LotR trilogy
5. Enter a film/photography competition
6. Host a party
7. Go to jazz bar
8. Learn basic Irish phrases
9. Buy a printer
10. Do something I've never done before
11. Hustle!
12. Release 'Unboxed'
13. Make a snowman
14. Go to something at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
15. Have a friend/family visit me in Edinburgh
16. Have a friend visit me in Northern Ireland
17. Have a photograph published / exhibited
18. Go to a concert
19. Get a tattoo
20. Learn Adobe After Effects
21. Give blood
22. Run 5k
23. Take up a personal photography project
24. Unplug for a week
25. Achieve a 'merit' in university
26. Build an amazing pillow/blanket fort
27. Write 40 blog posts
28. Watch the sun rise on Murlough
29. Feel competent in my painting/drawing ability
30. Bring a friend to church
31. Journal daily, even if brief
32. Take instant pictures
33. Do something to be proud of
34. Host a film screening of one of my own
35. Enter my final year of uni
36. Fast weekly
37. Fill a sketchbook
38. Go to France
39. Pull an elaborate prank
40. Read 30 books
41. Introduce my flatmates to Irish food
42. Celebrate my 21st
43. Spend a night stargazing
44. Get a flat stomach
45. Write a letter to someone telling them how much I appreciate them
46. Rearrange my bedroom
47. Watch 100 documentaries
48. Complete a YouVersion Bible study plan
49. Volunteer somewhere
50. Have a great year

Thoughts From The Irish Sea

Fun fact: I am currently writing this post from the middle of the ocean. I finished semester one of my third year of university on Monday and so now I am relaxing on the Stenaline Superfast, on my way back to Northern Ireland to spend Christmas with my family, boyfriend and friends. I could not be more excited right now! It's been a long semester, and I'm ready for what I feel is a well deserved break after all my work in the past few months. After a lot of work including a presentation, a 3000 word essay, two photo stories and a documentary film I am finished! Huzzah!

Yeah, remember that documentary film I talked about making? Well... I made it.... kinda. On the 2nd December I attended the screening on my film along with the films of all of my classmates. At this point I'm going to make a side note saying that I'm so very proud of all my classmates. They all made great films and it was so exciting to see everyone's hard work pay off. Making a film on your own (as I discovered myself) is a very challenging experience, and it was probably the most challenging thing I've personally done in university or school. So to see around 15 films that people made all by themselves, but were also of a really good standard, was really great. Perhaps if enough of them put their films up online I might make a masterpost of some of the films so you can watch them, cause they were really great. Well done guys, you did good!

Anyway, back to my film. At 17 minutes long, with three interviews, my own personal thoughts, some constructed scenes as well as other things, one could certainly make the argument that my film was finished. But personally, I don't think so. When I set out to make this film I was feeling very ambitious, I knew that I could make a really interesting film with this idea. However, as I went on and kept working at it, I realised that even while making a short film, I was never going to have enough time and resources to make this the film I want it to be. That was a bit disappointing, but that's not to say I gave up. Instead I started concentrating on just trying my best to make a film that would do well at uni. I did slightly feel that I was conforming slightly there, and I'm a bit ashamed of that. But, the reason I was doing that was because I decided that I would work as hard as I can and for as long as necessary to make this film the film it was originally meant to be, the film it is supposed to be. I know that it has potential, and I want it to reach that potential. I am now aiming to be finished in Spring. Not many people have seen the 'uni edit' of my film, but the final cut will be bigger, better and hopefully will glorify God more.

And so I'd like to introduce you to my upcoming documentary film - 'Unboxed'. It is an exploration of the gifts of healing and miracles, asking questions like - does God heal today? Why / why not? What can we understand about this concept? How can we be sure it's real? and more. As well as this, part of the film reflects on my own personal journey of faith, as I begin to learn more about miraculous healing. Now to make up for the fact that you won't be getting to see the film for a while, despite many people assuming it would be finished now, I've uploaded a little sneak peek. I'll be uploading more of these as time goes on. 

Unboxed - Sneak Peek 1 from Joyful Mourne Media on Vimeo.

And there you have it. I'll try to be a better at updating everyone with it's progress, I didn't do that as much as I'd like to over the past few months. Right now, with the production of this film going on, seems like a good time to I guess officially launch 'Joyful Mourne Media', the name under which all my films will be made under. For those who are all about the social networking, you can follow what we will be doing via these sites -

Website: www.joyfulmourne.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/joyfulmourne
Twitter: www.twitter.com/joyfulmourne
Vimeo: www.vimeo.com/joyfulmourne

And if you'd like to contact me privately about anything, you can do that by e-mailing me at jo@joyfulmourne.com

The Trouble With Northern Irish Films

Now I don't often rant like this, so bear with me. Tonight out of curiosity I just had a little look at a list of all known films set in Northern Ireland. Out of all the ones I could get information on (around 50 films), I counted five that didn't explicitly use the Troubles as a plot point. FIVE. Now, my source is Wikipedia, so obviously this could be inaccurate. And this has not been a thorough search on my behalf. But if this is anything to go by, it looks like 9/10 films based in NI revolve around the Troubles. And I have issues with this. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against making films about sectarianism or the Troubles. It's our history, and a real part of many people's lives, we obviously can't ignore it. And yes, you could say it's a interesting and gripping subject for filmmaking. This is not me putting down any film about the Troubles. This is not me putting down the stories that are being told here. There are great films about it out there, Mickeybo and Me happens to be one of my favourite films. Yes, sectarianism is still a big issue for us, not as much as it has been the entire time our country has existed, but yes, it's still there. We can't deny these things and therefore obviously they're going to be a big part of our art. But come on!! Have we nothing more to give? 

Northern Ireland has a booming film and television industry. Anybody who's familiar with Game of Thrones probably knows this already. We have one of Europe's largest film studios, a fantastic crew based there, a vast amount of talented actors and filmmakers, and we've hosted some really well known Hollywood films in the past few years. We have the capacity to make amazing films about anything we want to. 

A sidenote: It's worth noting (as my boyfriend pointed out to me) that it's only recently, within the peace process, that films not about the Troubles are most likely to be made, because it isn't as present an issue anymore. That is true. But it's also worth noting that the Northern Irish film industry is only a recent thing itself, with the vast majority of all these films, about the Troubles or not, being made in the 90's and onwards. 

Northern Irish filmmakers, I get it that you want to make films about your history. And that's okay. That's good. Embrace your culture. Deal with your past. Tell those stories you've grown up hearing. And yes, keep making those films! But hear me when I say this. The Troubles are a huge part of our lives, but they do not define us. What does define us? Our infectious friendliness, that crazy accent of ours that other countries somehow find attractive (what), our dark sense of humour and ability to laugh in the hardest situations,  our overuse of the word 'situation', our little inside jokes, our fine baking skills, the way we know everyone and their cousin, our musical culture, and so much more! Can we focus on that instead? We lack the diversity that other countries have in their films, and I believe we need to fix this, for our own sake. 

It may not be true that 9/10 films set in Northern Ireland are about the Troubles, but certainly this is the impression we're giving. Let's show the world that we are not all the sectarian extremists that they might believe us to be. Let's make romance films that aren't retellings of the Romeo and Juliet story between a Catholic and Protestant couple. Heck, let's make a thriller film where the murderer kills people unbiasedly, instead of just people from the opposite side of the community! Make a documentary film about the farmers in the Mourne Mountains. Make a fantasy epic based at the Giant's Causeway. Make a drama about the workers at Harland and Wolff. I love Northern Ireland, I believe we have so much to offer. Let's show the world that. 

View of Belfast from the sea

Aquaphobia

I'm on the beach, standing at the edge of the ocean and Jesus is standing beside me. I see a shoreline far away in the distance and I don't know what it is but I do know that I really want to be there. Jesus says to me, "Let's go then," and starts to walk on the water. I stay still. He turns and reaches out to me, offering his hand. But I stay where I am, staring at the water.

"I don't know how," I say.

"Just try," he says.  

I hear what he is saying and I know that if I have faith that I can do it, but I just have this fearful image in my head of me setting my foot down and it just sinking through the water. I know that Jesus wants me out there with him but I don't want to fail him or let him down by sinking. I know it's possible, but I don't know if I'll be able to. I want to walk. I want to walk so badly but I'm paralysed by fear at the waters edge. It's like I don't want to try it until my faith is strong enough.  

"This is what I fear," says Jesus, "With that attitude, I fear that you'll never feel strong enough. I fear you'll stay there forever waiting for a better time. Just come. You're always going to want for a stronger faith, no matter how strong you get. So please, you just need to come, take my hand and try." 

And so I take my very first step, half stumbling and terrified; I grab his hand and he holds it tight.

This is something I found myself writing down whilst at my new student community tonight. I'm not sure where in my head it came from, but after seeing it written down like that I found it rather comforting. Challenging, yes, very challenging, but comforting too. I just thought I would share it on here for anyone else who might be feeling the same way I do right now. 

On Making a Faith Oriented Film for Uni

Things are starting to happen with this film of mine which is very exciting! I talk a bit about it in this video above here. Again, those who have stories of healing and would be up for talking to me about them, please contact me, I would love to chat!! Seriously, any stories would be wonderful, you evem don't have to be in the film if you don't want to. E-mail: jo@joyfulmourne.com. Phone: 07412330665

So far making this film is proving quite the experience for me, and I haven't even begun filming yet! Never before has my faith come in contact with my university or school work like this before, and it is both exciting and terrifying. It's really quite surreal to sit with your lecturer in a tutorial discussing Jesus' teachings and fundamental Christian theology. Surreal, but pretty cool too. I have to admit, every time I have to get up in front of that class to discuss how my film is getting on, I'm terrified. I'm so aware that people could think I'm crazy, believing in stuff like this. At a few points my lecturer has made me speak about my own personal faith in front of the class. I've spoken about my faith to crowds before quite happily, but speaking about it to a Christian crowd feels quite different to speaking about it in a room full of athiests. I can't remember the last time I stammered so much in anything! But God has been gracious, and my friends have been very supportive, even expressing interest in my film. And if they do believe I'm crazy, well, they haven't said it to my face anyway haha! My hope is that through this film I'm making my friends might be able to see more of this God I talk about. 

I'll admit there's stuff I'm too scared to say still. On getting asked why I want to make the film, which I get asked a lot by my lecturer, the answer 'I believe God wants me to make this film' has always been replaced by '*shrug* I guess I'm just interested in finding out more about healing because I don't know much about it' (which is true also to be fair). I'm also scared of asking people to help me out with it. Most of all I am terrified of screwing up the film. I'm scared that everything's just going to fall through and I will have nothing to show. And I'm scared of it turning out just a badly made film haha! But I trust God, and I'm excited to see how it will turn up.

If you're the praying type, I would really appreciate prayer while I make this film. It's going to be a big challenge for me, one that I know I'll never be able to do without the support of God and also people like yourself. Cheers.

Be Careful What You Pray For...

I want to get back into blogging regularly again. Looking back on my posts from earlier this year, I think it was really good to get my thoughts on God and stuff written down like this. Now that I'm back at university and attending my church again, with student communities starting again soon, I'm hoping I'll have plenty of things to write about! But today I'm gonna write about some things I experienced near the end of summer.

There's a saying that goes like "be careful what you pray for, because you might get it". It's an odd one, and one you might not fully appreciate until what it's talking about happens to you. And it happened to me in the last week of summer. I'll recount that now.

So as my blog has been recounting a bit, 2013 has been a 'year of fear' for me. Not in that I have had a fearful year, but that this is the year God has been pushing me gently towards getting over my fears. It started with FOMO, which I documented quite thoroughly with this blog. And I got there, in a lot of ways I am over my fear of missing out, and that makes me so happy! I've come so far from even the start of the year. And I think if I hadn't have gotten over that fear, this could have been a very difficult summer for me, due to some circumstances regarding friends, but thankfully, FOMO did not keep me from having a good summer. I enjoyed myself regardless of what I was missing out on, and that's amazing! I also started to get over my fear of a certain person (who shall not be named for their own sake), having truly feared them for years and years and years. When even being in the same room as this person was once so uncomfortable, even painful, for me, I can now quite comfortably sit and chat and even have a laugh with them. Painful memories are being replaced by good ones, which is fantastic. I'm not sure anyone could comprehend what a massive step forward that is for me. God is good!

With those two fears, both once major strongholds in my life, becoming a thing of the past, I started wondering what God wanted me to face next. Something kept bringing me back to 'failure'. It seemed to be what I feared most at that point. I thought to myself 'maybe I should ask God to help me get over my fear of failure', but something kept holding me back. Guess what that something was... yep! It was fear. I thought to myself, for these other fears, it's always got worse before it got better. Right before I started to get over the fears, I would find myself very bitter against the things, or really the people, who brought on the fear. And for that while, the fear was heightened. And so I was scared about what would happen when I asked God to help me get over this fear. But, I knew I had to do it. And so I prayed, my heart beating fast, 'God, help me get over my fear of failure. I don't what's going to happen now, and I'm scared, but I trust you.'

That was when everything fell apart. 

The morning after I prayed that, I got a phone call from my boss. He didn't want to keep me on anymore, despite me thinking I was going to have the job until at least December. That was upsetting, to say the least. It was the perfect job for me, but I failed it. I was almost brushing it off as coincidence until I got a letter in the post a few days later; a letter that told me I'd been kicked out of my university because of problems with an essay resit (leaving out the complicated details of why this happened, because they're not that important, all you need to know is that this was a total surprise to me). 

What. 

Just like that, all I knew seemed to crash around me. A few days earlier everything was fine, I had a job that was perfect for me and I was getting ready to head back to Edinburgh to begin my third year of studies. Then all of a sudden and out no where I was unemployed and degree-less. I have never felt like such a failure as I did that day. I cried out to God constantly, 'Did I ask for this?! Is this your answer?! I want to face my fear of failure but not this way!! I hate this, God!! Please fix this!!' I begged forgiveness for my failure, I just wanted to be able to go back to university, I couldn't fail like this, I couldn't fail my parents and my friends like this, not after everything. 

I spent a week living in constant terror of what was going to happen, my gut aching and heart pounding, trying desperately to contact my university to sort out what went wrong and see if they would let me back in. In the middle of that week, I had to move back to Scotland, not knowing if I'd be returning home again shortly or staying on. Though my friends were amazing (looking at you especially Michelle and Patrick) and did their best to keep my mind off it, any time I started thinking about the uncertainty of my future I verged on crying. It was a rough week. I certainly felt the failure I had been feeling. 

I'll cut to the chase, many phone calls and e-mails later, after my case being seemingly passed from person to person to person, about a week after I got the letter I found out they were letting me back in. Praise God for his goodness and mercy! And now what? I'd be lying if I said this has helped me get over my fear of failure. It gets worse before it gets better right? I'm pretty sure I'm even more scared of failure now. But I don't subscribe to coincidence, God had to let me feel that utter failure for some reason, and I'm hoping I find out that reason soon. From experience, I pretty sure it's going to help me. Just right now, I'm still living on the edge a wee bit, and I definitely need to pray more about this to work it out. And I've certainly learnt a few extra lessons along the way anyway! I'm not there yet, but I know I'll be able to face this fear soon. There's a reason for everything, God is up to something, and though I don't understand it yet, I will some day. I'll just say it again - Be careful what you pray for, you might just get it, but not in the way you expect.

Back in Edinburgh

Woah, this has been a pretty long post, thank you for reading this far! It's not like me to blog about something I'm still struggling to understand, I usually like to write it all out once I have my eureka moment and discover what God has been teaching me. Not today I guess. I think I just wanted to write it all out, get it off my chest a bit. And now I've done that. I think it's time to return to prayer about my fear of failure, and see what God's up to. For now, I'm just going to be grateful that I'm here in this beautiful city, studying what I love once again. There's definitely a reminder here that God gives and he takes away, and I'm very grateful for what he has given right now. Even if that's all I'm to learn from this whole crisis, that's a pretty darn good lesson to walk away with. Thank you God!

Hope everyone has a great year, let's get stuck in.

Jo x

Help Me Make A Film!

Hey there,

for those who don't know me, my name is Jo McClure and I am a student filmmaker. I'm about to go into my 3rd year studying Photography & Film at Edinburgh Napier University and I have big plans for the next year! I want to place a particular focus this year on documentary filmmaking, and I have a film in mind that I would like to make. This is where I need your help. 

I want to make a short film about people being healed through prayer. (This is probably where I am going to lose half my audience who are reading this. "A film about religiousy stuff? Nope. See ya." And that's okay! But for those of you who are still with me here, thank you!) I'm not entirely sure how the film is going to pan out yet, that's something that will become more clear as I get to work alongside my tutors and peers at uni, but I do know a few things. I would really love to get a collection of stories from people who have been healed through prayer, or people who have witnessed it, or maybe you have the gift of healing, really anything to do with it! Seriously, I want to hear about anything and everything. I feel like a lot of people don't realise that this is something that actually happens, and the purpose of this film is to tell them, yes, God is alive and real, he does work and he does heal (tehe unintentional poetry). 

I'll say this - right now this is more about research and getting to know the subject more. Telling me your story doesn't mean it'll necessarily be put in the film. I'm aware that this is a sensitive subject and I don't want to put people in the spotlight who don't want to be. I'm sure in good time God will make it clear what stories he wants spread and it's quite likely I may ask you for a formal filmed interview, but in the mean time all I want is a chat :)

So if you have any stories please don't hesitate to get in touch with me. Or if you know someone else that does, perhaps you could forward this to them. This would mean a lot to me, I would really really love to see this film come to light, and the best way I can do that right now is just by starting to chat to people about this sort of thing. My e-mail address is jomcclure73@gmail.com, or if you see me ever just pull me aside, I would love to talk! I'm also on Facebook and Twitter for those who like the social networking sites. 

Thank you for reading, and I hope to hear from some of you soon!

Jo

Christian Parody Tweets

I gotta admit, there are some quality Christian parody accounts on Twitter, from the likes of @HoodJesusYo to @Rev_Norespect. Like seriously, these crack me up. I give you the best recent Christian parody tweets. Enjoy:

I want to believe the Lord gave you that song, but I think he has better grammar than that.
— Sister Mildred (@SisterMildred) October 17, 2012

If Jesus grace is like da ocean den errybody grab yo floaties cuz we drownin in it
— Hood Jesus (@HoodJesusYo) August 11, 2013

i don't like being called a 'Christian'... i prefer 'Christ-oriented, holistically missional soul-vessel"
— Christian Hipster (@ChristnHipster) August 7, 2013

People think its the Spirit when I laugh during #worship, but it was just that crappy guitar solo.
— Celeb Worship Leader (@CelebWorshipLdr) May 28, 2013

Me:"Hey those are cute earings, how do they make you think of Jesus?" Person:"They don't?" Me:"...then why are you wearing them?" #Oversaved
— Oversaved Girl (@OversavedGirl) July 29, 2013

I would just like to wish all the Youth Ministers a happy first day of school.
— Unappreciated Pastor (@Rev_Norespect) August 6, 2013

Glad to see youth group getting more spiritual. Tonight they said John 3:16 with a mouthful of marshmallows instead of "chubby bunny".
— Church Curmudgeon (@ChrchCurmudgeon) August 15, 2013

How do you guys feel about pre-marital high fives? Is that too far in a relationship? If not, when is it acceptable? First or second date?
— Michael Schaffer (@WDFF5) July 4, 2013

Picking the right church name is crucial. It should include at least one of these words: FIRE, IGNITE, MOTOCROSS, ELEVATE, ROUNDHOUSE, SOLEI
— Celebrity Pastor (@CelebrityPastor) August 1, 2013

@HoodJesusYo is my absolute favourite. They're as funny as Christian pick up lines... but more on that later!

FUSED 2013 - A Quick Recap

Well well well, it's been a while since I've done a proper big blog post here, hasn't it? It's been a pretty busy summer, but that isn't really an excuse. I guess I just haven't had much to say until recently. But that changes today, because today I'm going to write about FUSED. If you know me well, you'll know that for the past four years I have been a leader at a summer scheme in my home town called FUSED. This year, as well as helping out with the Adventurers (kids age 8-11) most days where I worked previously; I had the privilege of actually being a co-section leader of the Swifts (the youngest group) along with my best friend / adoptive big brother Adam Leahy. Leahy is a fantastic guy and a joy to work with. And I hope he's not reading this right now or his ego will inflate like a balloon and he won't let me hear the end of it! We had a fantastic team to  boss around  work with, big shout out to Zoe, James, Megan, Hannah, Cara and Jenny. These guys exceeded expectations despite their young age (most of them were around 16) and were great leaders, both Adam and I felt so blessed to be working with such great people. 

They let us two be in charge, whoops.

Adam Leahy

The fantastic 'Swifts', leaders and kids

If you don't know exactly what FUSED is, here is a video I made to explain it. Incidentally, this video is technically my first ever film under the name 'Joyful Mourne Media' which is exciting, but I'll blog about that more later - 

FUSED 2013 from Joyful Mourne on Vimeo.

I'll just let that video explain what goes on at FUSED. But in writing I can get down to the more nitty gritty stuff. FUSED this year was crazy. Each group has two sessions a day, usually in the afternoon and evening. Swifts, however, has only one session a day, in the morning, allowing me and a few other leaders to take part in another group as well. Three sessions a day was exhausting, I hardly had time to stop and think, but it was good. I would have hated to miss out on helping out with the Adventurers this year, so it was great to go back there with the usual team. 

And the kids, oh how I love those kids! They are so enthusiastic and excited to come back every year which is such an encouragement to see! They clamber over you and give you odd nicknames (a new one for me this year was 'Kangaroo') and attempt to get piggy backs and draw you pictures and they are just the best things ever! This year they seemed more curious than ever, kids that seem so young and innocent ask such hard hitting questions that leave us humbled, and it's just crazy to see how hungry they are for learning more about God. Over 20 youth gave their lives to Christ this summer at FUSED, which is so exciting!! I know numbers shouldn't be something to focus on, and I can tell you that that is not what we focus on, but it's still wonderful news and I am so excited for them all. Keep those kids in your prayers as they start their new lives with God! 

I always find FUSED a very humbling experience. There are days in it every year when I feel like absolute crap, if I'm honest. It's a fortnight of spiritual warfare, when I can always feel like I'm being attacked at my weak points. But I always come out the other end stronger. FUSED is not only great for those kids, but it's a great experience for the leaders too, and I thank God for that. Having been as a youth before I was a leader, it's great being able to watch the programme grow from its early , humble beginnings to something so much bigger. I encourage you to support it in any way you can, whether its becoming a leader next year or even just keeping it in your prayers. FUSED is a beacon of hope in what have been a dark and scary few months in Newcastle, Co Down, and I thank God for it. 

Jo's Film Diary

Just gonna get stuck straight in... I want to make films about Jesus.

I made a post about this kinda stuff earlier in the year [see that post here] but I felt for a while that I should attempt to make a vlog about it, just because I'm not good at talking about it in real life. You can watch that vlog below, which I would love it if you did just that. It's fairly long, about 9 minutes, which is pretty long for a vlog, but I cut it down as much as possible haha! There's more I could say but this was the basics - 

I think this is something I'll continue to do, vlog updates about what's going on with the project. I think that way, the people who watch these things can keep me accountable, which is something I desperately need. So please watch, and you will hopefully see more of these soon (and hopefully some actual short films). If you are genuinely interested in what I will be doing, the best way to keep updated is probably to subscribe on YouTube, if you have an account, then you'll get notified there every time I upload one of these things.

EDIT: A big thank you to everyone who has responded to this video, whether on YouTube itself, on other social media sites or in person. Your support means the world to me, seriously. I've definitely noticed an increase in people asking me about it, which is great for accountability, please keep that up! It's nice when I hear people being interested in it anyway.

Technicolour Reverie

I will always have a fondness for this film. This is the first short film I ever made, at the young age of sixteen. There are so many things wrong with it, but I still really like it. Take a wee look for yourself, I thought I might as well post it here for something to watch in the mean time while I get my next films organised - 

A-Z of Me [Because I'm Bored]

I found this little list of A-Z questions on Kelli Taylor's blog, She Learns As She Goes. Kelli is part of the Blimey Cow trio, probably my favourite YouTube channel! You should definitely check both the blog and the channel out! Let's give this a go shall we?

A // Available or Married?
Uh... neither? I am currently attached to a lovely boy named Patrick, we started dating in our last year of high school and have now been together for two and a half years! This is a recent photograph of us from a walk we went on last week.

B // Book?
Well for my birthday me parents bought me a kindle, which was lovely, so I've been rereading Pride and Prejudice on it! Great book. Couldn't think of my favourite book to be honest. I'd like to say I read the Bible a lot, but the truth is I really don't and I could really do with doing that more often!

C // Cake or pie?
Cake! Chocolate cake! Birthday cake!! All the cake and icing and heavenly goodness!!

D // Drink of choice?
I do like a bit of Coca Cola, though I am yet to find one with my name on it, how disappointing!

E // Essential item?
Clifford the big red camera! Or any camera for that matter. I never leave the house without one. I love capturing all those little moments throughout each day, I'm actually taking up a Project 365 right now, you can check that out here.

F // Favorite color?
Yellow; yellow is the colour of happiness and sunshine and I just like it a lot! The song 'Yellow Shirt' by the Icarus Account also plays a big part in why I like that colour so much.

G // Game to play or watch?
I take it this means sport? Never really one for team sports. I do enjoy video games though, I play quite a bit of Pokemon and Mario etc etc

H // Hometown?
I come from the beautiful Newcastle, Co. Down, a little town by the sea and mountains in Northern Ireland! I have better photographs, but this was the only one I could find right now. I love it. I currently live in Edinburgh right now though, also a really lovely part of the world.

I // Indulgence?
Coke, popcorn, Cadbury's chocolate, pizza, my mothers' cooking, too much stuff to be honest haha!

J // Job?
Working on that right now! Waiting to hear back about what could be a very cool job, we'll see how that goes. Keep me in your prayers as this would really be an ideal job for me!

K // Kids and names?
Don't have any! Not planning to have any for a while haha but I hope that I will have quite a few some day! In the mean time, my cameras are my children haha! And they do have names - Clifford, Nora, Manfred and Rodney.

L // Life is incomplete without...?
For me? God. Couldn't cope without Him, like really. And people around me to support and encourage me.

M // Music group or singer?
I am completely in love with NEEDTOBREATHE, such a great band! I love all their songs, but in particular 'Slumber', 'Stones Under Rushing Water', 'Keep Your Eyes Open', 'A Place Only You Can Go' and 'The Outsiders' are some of my personal favourites. Here's a little video I made a few years ago using 'The Outsiders' as music.

Also currently loving Gabrielle Aplin, Imagine Dragons, Phil Wickham, Chasing Owls, Rend Collective Experiment and many more! Check them out too!

N // Number of siblings?
I'm the eldest of 3, I have a brother, Thomas, 18 and a sister, Katie, 8. They're pretty cool!

O // Oranges or apples?
Hmmmm, oranges as the fruit itself, but I love apple as a flavour in sweets and drinks and puddings etc

P // Phobias and fears?
As I mention a lot in this blog, FOMO, the fear of missing out, is a big issue of mine. But I am slowly getting over it which feels wonderful! To stop feeling so anxious about that sort of thing is amazing! Also, jellyfish. I hate jellyfish.

Q // Quote?
"As you may know, I am a full time internet" - @horse_ebooks on Twitter

R // Reason to smile?
Lots of stuff, I am very blessed. I smile knowing I am loved by God and by my friends and family. This keeps me going in harder times.

S // Season?
I do love Spring, it's my favourite season.

T // Tattoos?
Ooo well I want one of a centurion helmet with the reference 'Ephesians 6:11' on my arm, that would be cool. Dunno when I'll get it, but sometime I hope!

U // Unknown fact?
Hmmm.... I was once pooped on by a hippopotamus. True story.

V // Vegetables you love?
I do love a bit of spinach!

W // Worst habit?
I'm certainly one for procrastinating (this blog post is testament to that as I should be storyboarding right now), and I'm not the best at keeping my room tidy either!

X // X-rays you've had?
None so far... thankfully!

Y // Your favorite food?
This is a very difficult question!! I love chicken pie, mmm, that stuffs good. A nice Indian take out as well would be lovely!

Z // Zodiac?
I believe I'm a Gemini but I don't really care about that sort of thing.

Well that was fun, now you know a bit more about me I guess! :) if you are a blogger yourself, you should do it too and send me a link so I can look at it! x

Epic

After spilling my feelings out in my last blog post I figured it's a good time to write something a little more lighthearted! So why not another film review? Yes, good idea. Well today I shall be reviewing the new film 'Epic', which is out in cinemas now.

When I was looking after my little sister last weekend I asked her if she wanted to go see anything in the cinema, and she said she wanted to see 'Epic'. I didn't know much about the film, but I knew Blue Sky Studios were pretty good, having released such great as Ice Age and Horton Hears A Who. The film also boasted a talented and er, interesting voice cast, featuring the likes of actors Amanda Seyfried, Colin Farrell, Josh Hutcherson, Chris O'Dowd, Aziz Ansari, Christoph Waltz and Jason Sudeikis; and musicians Steven Tyler, Beyonce and Pitbull. Yes, Pitbull.

I have to say I actually really enjoyed this film, a lot more than I expected to. A lot more of an adventure story than a comedy, it has its funny moments but overall it presents an engaging storyline of love, family, good versus evil, belonging and defending your home. The characters are extremely likeable, I really found myself drawn into the characters' plights. Plus O'Dowd and Ansari are hilarious as the snail and slug respectively.

Also, can we talk about how beautifully animated this film is?! It's gorgeous!! Just take a look at the trailer here. Okay, maybe I have a thing for forests, and this is pretty much an hour and a half of beautiful forest animation. That makes me a very happy film student. The textures and the colours and just gahhh, I'm not good at describing it. I just really liked it a lot. The trailer here gives you a good idea of the look and feel of the movie. Just lovely. 

I have one complaint - why name the film 'Epic'?! You've just built up an expectation that the film itself will be 'epic', which is pretty ambitious of you, despite how good the film actually is. Also, with the overuse of the word epic on the internet, you've made it notoriously difficult to search for your film online, as the vast majority of what will come up will quite likely be those Epic Win / Epic Fail pics. Bad choice of title guys. But, that is really my only fault with this film!

I'd definitely recommend it for adults and kids alike, head to your local cinema and go watch it!!

Living on a Prayer

Well, as of about 24 hours ago I am back in Northern Ireland for my summer holiday. Second year of university is over. We're half way there! And now I've got 'Living on a Prayer' by Bon Jovi stuck in my head. Anyway... looking back on the year, it's been pretty crazy! I payed bills for the first time in my life, that was very scary and grown up and I didn't like it at all! I made a few films with university, one of which I'm pretty proud of and you can watch and read about here. I took lots of photographs too, and wrote a good few essays. It's been a big learning curve in university, I've discovered what I'm good at and what I'm not good at, which has been a very interesting experience. I did lots of fun stuff like go to the zoo, visit people in England, take a surprise trip home, host a messy flat party, go to other messy flat parties and lots more stuff! Hmmm... what else did I do? Oh yeah, I started going to Central, a church in the centre of Edinburgh, and there I got convinced to sign up for Potential, only the best fellowship I've ever had... like ever!! 

Now any one who knows me well knows that I am a very sentimental/mushy person. And if you didn't know that, well, you're about to find out. You've been warned. 

When I first signed up for Potential, I have to admit I was skeptical. It was an all girls Bible study, and yes, the Bible is great, but all girls? That's a bit risky, eh? We all know what girl groups can be like, there's all the potential for cliques to emerge, for cat fights to break out etc etc. It seemed only natural! Like many I imagine, I personally have not had a good history of being in groups of girls. I'll not bore you with all the details but I have pretty much always found myself on the outside of groups of girls, never quite sure where I stood, feeling pretty left out. So when I signed up for Potential I assumed it would be much of the same story. To use the phrase made famous by Thorin Oakenshield in The Hobbit: I have never been so wrong!

As soon as I turned up on the first week I knew that I was going to get along really well with these girls, but still for the first few weeks I waited for the cliques to emerge, for groups to start making friends around me, but to my delight, it never happened. Very quickly we became a giant close-knit group of friends, who were constantly encouraging and building each other up. We studied the Bible together, prayed for each other, and had an awful lot of laughs at the same time! I was welcomed into this group with open arms, and always felt so loved whenever I walked into that kitchen every Tuesday night. And I wasn't the only one! Any of the other girls I talked to about their experience of it agreed that they loved this fellowship. One thing I loved about it was that girls who only turned up once or twice were treated no differently from girls who had been every week. That's brilliant. Turns out not all girl groups have to involve a negative experience, in fact, they they can be quite the opposite!

I'm very grateful for Potential and all the girls there right now. Through all that support and community,  I believe I have grown a lot this year, in both confidence, maturity, and my faith. I've begun to face a lot of my fears, some I didn't even realise I had before, some that have been really dragging me down for years and years. But all that is starting to get better! Without them I don't think I would have had the courage or determination to get up in front of 400ish people and tell my testimony and get baptised. I feel I have a lot better of an understanding of what God wants me to do with my life, and I'm slowly beginning to sort myself out, to start changing for the better, so that I may do that. 

To the Potential girls reading this right now, I guess I just wanted you to know how grateful I am for you. You guys are are amazing, God is doing awesome things through you all! You all have become very important to me. Keep being those wonderful ladies you are. I love you and miss you! Thank you for a great year and I'm excited for starting a new one with you all as my friends!! Now trust me, I could write pages and pages more on how great you all are and how much you make me laugh and how you've helped me etc etc but there's only so much cheesy stuff I can write in one post before I just turn into a massive block of mozzarella or something. So I'll leave it here. But yeah, I love you guys. Thank you.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:13

Laughable

"He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision." Psalm 4:2

I had a very humbling experience yesterday. For a while I'd been struggling with a few things. Pretty much I wanted to become a better person, and I wanted to do good things for God. I had faith in God, and I truly believed that He could make me a better person and help me do the things he wanted me to do. But there was a voice in the back of my mind, holding me back, telling me I wasn't good enough. I had faith in God alright, but absolutely no faith in myself. Self doubt is something that cripples me a lot. It was like although I knew God had the power, I didn't trust myself to be open enough or 'spiritual' enough to let God do these things within me. Does that make sense? I dunno, but it was something that I had been thinking. I just felt completely useless before God, too useless to be changed for the better. 

It was something I hadn't thought about for a while, but I brought it up last night in a discussion with some fellow students in my church. On the way home I brought it up in prayer again, and this time I felt a response. It's not often that I really feel a response when I pray, so it was a pretty exciting moment. What was the response I felt? Well, I felt God laugh at me. Yep, you read that right. Not in a mean way, or a harsh way, but a loving way. The way a father would laugh at his tantruming two year old, full of love and empathy. I felt that he was asking me, "So, what you're implying here, is that you think your inability is powerful enough to hinder my ability? Ha! If I wanted to change something within you, do you honestly think you could stop me? Who are you?"

Well, I just had to laugh at myself as well. What an idiot I was being! My inability, my uselessness, my stupidity, my failures; they are all irrelevant with God, because He is above and beyond them all. I was reminded of that part of the Exodus story, when Moses encounters God at the burning bush. Moses complains of his own weakness and God puts him in his place, reminding him that he is powerful above all weakness. It's probably one of my favourite bits in the Bible, I love it because Moses reminds me a lot of myself at this point, scared and doubtful. "Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”" - Exodus 4:10-12

I think it's good to laugh at yourself, it's humbling. Maybe we should do that more often. And don't ever feel like you're too far gone for God to fix, or not good enough for him to do anything with. Yeah, we're broken, we're messed up, but that's what's amazing about God, he can still fix us and use us, and he chooses to do so. Cool.

The Facebook Generation

Facebook. Facebook Facebook Facebook. It's one of those things we love to hate, yet cling unto desperately. I personally would love to just delete my Facebook account and be done with it, but unfortunately it's just too useful for keeping in touch with people I wouldn't other wise be able to keep in touch with. However, last night I did get my friend list down from over 650 people to less than 130, making it only coursemates, church famiy, close friends from home, and relatives i.e. the people who I do use it to talk to regularly. I was just getting distracted by having so much unnecessary stuff on there. 

I think my generation especially really needs to sit back and think about the way we use social networking sites such as Facebook. I know I'm so guilty at signing up to a million different sites like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Blogger; I just love being connected in various different ways. I love sharing. But is this always a good thing? I don't think so. 

Part of the reason I cut my friends list was because of conversations I'd been having through this documentary film below. Who made this documentary film? Oh yeah, I did, tehe! Yes, this is my uni film from this semester, made by me and three of my wonderful coursemates Christina, Eilidh and Rhian. All great girls. When Christina pitched the idea for the film I knew I really wanted to be part of it, and so I took on the role of editor, which I had a lot of fun doing. I'd love to work with those girls again. We got to interview my good friend Claudia and three others whom I hadn't met previously - Eoghann, Sebb and Tony. I would love it if you gave it a watch and told me what you think!

Take A Seat

I'm just going to leave this here for you to watch because I love this video and I love all Rainn Wilson and Soul Pancake do, like seriously. If I could make a video that makes people happy, like this one does, my life would be complete.